No matter what happens

No matter who I meet

No matter how good my day has been

In the end I always feel like there is something/someone missing in my life.

I try and push those feelings away, I do a good job for the most part.

But days like these, where I put my guard down, I just feel numb, sick and alone.

I’m 20 years old with an associates degree in applied science.

After 2 years of searching for a job I finally found one but it’s still not enough to pay the bills,  pay off my 40k in student loans, and help my parents who are struggling as well.

On top of that I have scoliosis and it has affected my heart a lot these past few years and it’s only getting worse. I can’t get treatment for my back because I can’t afford treatment and I can’t afford insurance either. So I suck it up at work because i need the job and the money. 

I am the 99%

It’s exhausting being so nice and then being stepped on and taking advantage of. I’m pretty much done with it, for now I’m going back to how I use to be, cold hearted and just thinking about myself.

I’m so sick of your mind games, your manipulation and your selfishness. I need to get out of this even though it will hurt. I have to be strong because I know I can do way better.